Spotlight for Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4)


Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4) by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff


Paranormal/Fantasy Romance

Categories: Comedy

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Release Date: September 3, 2013

Heat Level: Steamy

Word Count: 90,000

Book Description

This is book 4 in the New York Times and USA Today bestselling paranormal romance Accidentally Yours series.

Meet Dr. Antonio Acero. Heir to Spain’s wealthiest family, world-renowned physicist, and dedicated bachelor. While on vacation in southern Mexico, Antonio discovers an ancient Mayan tablet. Local legends say it contains magical properties, properties that could put his stalling research on the map.

But is this really his lucky break?

When Antonio attempts to put the tablet to use, he’ll discover that Fate has other plans. Her name is Ixtab, and she’s quite possibly the deadliest deity who ever lived.

Warning: This title is intended for readers over the age of 18 as it contains adult sexual situations and/or adult language, and may be considered offensive to some readers.

Read an Excerpt Now

“What an idiot,” the woman growled. “By the way, there’s nothing wrong with the package—you still have your gorgeous face. And that body. Hell, you’re a crime against female nature and should be shot on the spot for being so beautiful. Sadly, I can’t say the same for what’s on the inside. In fact, you’re disgusting.”

“What the…?”

“Don’t act surprised,” she said. “I know how you use women then throw them away. And I’m here to warn you: if you continue your cheap man-whoring ways, I will hunt you down and pluck out your gonads. Got it?”

Man whore? Gonads? He had no clue how to respond.

“Let’s get on with the show, shall we, Romeo?” she said.

Who was this woman? She sounded crazier than he did. “And what show would that be?” he asked.

“Does that pathetic brain of yours still work? Because I heard you’re supposed to be smart. You don’t sound so smart to me.”

Santa Maria. She was ruthless. No way was she a doctor or psychologist; she was pinche loca. “Who the hell are you?”

“Shut up before I change my mind. Teen uk’al k’iinam. Teen uk’al yah.” A pair of hands hit his chest, jolting him like a defibrillator.

His back painfully arched and each muscle in this body went rigid with the blistering heat. The air filled with the scent of fresh cut daisies and fragrant vanilla, and the heaviness lifted from his chest. It was as though a dark cloud had been sieved from his soul. Clean air entered his lungs, giving him quarter to breathe again. Memories, happy ones, flooded his heart—playing hide and seek with this brother in the Spanish vineyards during summer, scuba diving in the Mediterranean, the paella at his favorite little restaurant in the town near his home in Penedès.

“What did you do?” he whispered into the abyss.

“I saved your sorry ass, but not so you can continue your dude-slutting. Got it? You will take this chance I’ve given you to do bigger and better things—one of which will be going back to work on that tablet.”

“How do you know about the tablet?” It was a secret.

“I’m a spy for the government. We know everything,” she said as though she was overwhelmed by boredom.

“Here.” She shoved a card in his hand. “Once you’re home, call this number. They’ll send you a tutor and an assistant. And yes, Einstein, the number is written in braille. I’m also having the landlord install a braille phone and set up your computer. The tutor will come to reteach you to read. And before you thank me, you should know that I accidentally killed your cat. I’m really sorry but it…”

Antonio’s mind whirled as the woman apologized profusely for murdering his cat—something about it getting loose and jumping out a window?—and then proceeded to hurl endless, demeaning insults peppered with every swear word in the English language along with a few choice words in Spanish, too. She was so…damned horrible and bitter! The sourest, most cantankerous female he’d ever met. A thousand sailors could not compete with her sharp edges and unfiltered mouth. And yet, she was strangely alluring.

“So,” she took a breath, “you got it? Comprende, señor Acero?”


“Good. My work here is done. Have a happy life, ass ho—I mean, Antonio.”

“Wait! You’re leaving?” he sat up in bed.

“Sorry. Gotta get back to saving lives and all. And by the way, Tony, we’d all appreciate it if you’d get back to work on the tablet before the world blows up.”

About the Author

Remy PamfiloffBefore taking up a permanent residence in the San Francisco Bay Area, New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author Mimi Jean Pamfiloff spent time living near NYC (became a shopaholic), in Mexico City (developed a taste for very spicy food), and Arizona (now hates jumping chollas but pines for sherbet sunsets). Her love of pre-Hispanic culture, big cities, and romance inspires her to write when she’s not busy with kids, hubby, work, and life…or getting sucked into a juicy novel. Or hosting the Man Candy Show on! (Be very afraid!). She hopes that someday, leather pants for men will make a big comeback and that her writing might make you laugh (or give you a mini-vacay) when you need it most.

Connect with Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

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One comment on “Spotlight for Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4)

  1. Pingback: Book Review: Accidentally Married to.. a Vampire? by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff |

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